Monday, November 19, 2007

Quick check-in

I know I've been unusually quiet these last few days. On Friday morning I left for a visit in Nearest Metropolis. My very good friend, who usually lives in European City, is here for the year. I haven't seen her in going on two years. It's been sooooo lovely...we talk and talk and talk and talk. We have some personality traits in common, and they're anxious, silly, little tics that nobody else I know shares. It is always wonderful to be around someone who is, well, a freak like me in this regard. And she is just.so.wonderful overall.

So it's fantastic to be in this city - parts of which I know quite well, from having spend a significant chunk of time here - with her. I got to dance on Friday night. On Saturday night, we went out for my friend's birthday - urban wine bar, cozy, candlelit - a group of eight. Such a fun night. As I told her, love collects around her. I always feel that when I'm with her - I get to meet these fantastic people through her, usually in her European City, where I've visted her three times. People who are drawn to her loveliness, and who are similarly lovely. Though I know she has an unsettled life, and that's sometimes frustrating, she's also so fortunate to have these networks - all over two continents - of fabulousness.

Being here, in the Metropolis, has been interesting. Yesterday, as we were at a crowded cultural event, I felt a little teary for a brief moment. "This is what I need," I thought. "This is who I am." I recognized that I cannot live for the rest of my life - or even for very long - in SCwP. I will leave academia, if I need to, to live in an environment that nourishes me. I'm not saying any of this is imminent. But I know this can't be forever.

5 comments:

squadratomagico said...

How far away is Nearest Metropolis? Can you use it as a "fix" once a month?

I, too, felt that I would leave academia when I lived in the Wrong Place for 2 years. It was an Interesting Place in some ways, but Wrong insofar as it was not a good fit for me. Ultimately, I got a different academic position and have been happy in this location. Perhaps you'll move back to Dream City!

Maggie said...

Hilaire: this is *exactly* how I felt after my summer trip. EXACTLY. I'll be looking forward to any further reflections/decisions you have about this, because I am so, so, so much in the same boat...

Belle said...

Oh yes. I do know that feeling. My problem is that I don't have a single Right place, just a bunch of Wrong and Not Quite Right. Since I know that Right Place is not here, I know I'll leave someday.

Wherever it is, it'll be warm, near a large body of water and free of red necks.

Anonymous said...

Your post definitely sounds familiar. My girlfriend appears to feel the same way about the city where I'll be moving in 6 weeks as you do about SCwP, since the place that I'm moving to isn't really a city. However, she hasn't really been here for more than 4 days yet, so perhaps it's premature. I like it here so far, despite the fact that it's not a city.

Bardiac said...

Boy, do I know that feeling. :(

It's one of the ways academics really sucks.