Today is R's and my 5-year anniversary. 5 years ago today, we went on our first date - a late dinner. But we're not really an "us" right now. Well, I suppose we are provisionally "us", but we don't know how long that will last. And so, it is strange to consider celebrating today as an anniversary. I am wary of it. It is probably a bad move for my heart.
It is strange all around, in fact. Many things are bad for my heart at the moment. For yesterday I moved out of the housesit (they return today) and back into R's for two weeks, until I leave. So it's a rather strange anniversary, indeed. Here I am, back in this home in which I lived for several years, living out of suitcases. With our dog in his one true home. Knowing it so well, but still feeling like a guest. Knowing that I could relax into not being a guest - that is what R would like, in fact - but being afraid of that.
I don't know. I keep meaning to blog about all of this. But I don't know where to start - there's too much. Until then, an update: I am doing...weirdly. Not badly.