I think I was surreptitiously fixed up on the weekend. Urgh.
You see, I have a friend named H. H began a relationship about a year ago with a woman named L. I met L last June when the three of us and another friend went out for drinks. L and I hit it off really well...I went to her birthday thingy a couple of weeks later. Then H left for a job in a faraway city - so no more socializing with H and, by extension, L. I ran into L at an event at the end of September, she drove me home, and that was that.
Lo and behold, in the middle of last week, I got a seemingly off-the-cuff email from L. Such a surprise - I barely recognized her name at first. She said, "some friends and I are going to a show this Saturday...want to come?"
I agreed to go because I'd wanted to see this performance piece. I agreed to go, too, out for dinner with a whole bunch of people I'd never met in my life. On Saturday, L emailed me and her friend J, to say, "Let's meet all these folks the two of you have never met at such-and-such restaurant at 6:30." I recognized J's name - remembered meeting her and having a nice chat with her at the birthday thing last summer.
It occurred to me, then - with a kind of horror - that it was quite possible J and I were being set up -- without telling us (or me, at least). I can imagine it - H and L talking about their two friends who could use a summer fling, and cooking up some kind of plan. When I told ex-GF what I was doing Saturday night, her first question was, "are you being set up?" So it wasn't only me who sensed something fishy.
So, I went to dinner and to the show. J was really lovely - I liked her a lot. We chatted easily. We are living just a few blocks away from each other right now, and both doing the joint-custody thing with our dogs and our exes. We talked about dog walking and great food places in the vicinity. It was all lovely, and she was great - but I didn't feel a spark. (I am pretty much the opposite of sparks right about now, I'd say - I'm kinda not feeling very attraction-y at all --well, okay, except that I've started sleeping with ex-GF. Sshhh...I know, I know...) She's the kind of person I should - whatever that means - be interested in, but I'm not feelin' it, for reasons related to the kind of state of mind I'm in.
When I was leaving, J acted all shy -- confirming for me some kind of interest. We had talked about taking a dog walk together, and I said she should get my email from L.
So last night, she emailed me, wondering about a dog walk on Wednesday or the weekend. She asked, at the end, about the provenance of my first name. I wrote back, briefly, not giving much, but did add a PS correcting her first guess about its origin. I proposed a Saturday morning dog walk - I honestly like taking these walks with people, since I have to spend so long doing them every day...I'm always up for walking partners.
The email I got back today was...uh oh...It's not what I want...She was shyly flirting...or at least indicating her interest. She had looked up the meaning of my name. And was throwing the meanings at me in kind of flirty ways - using them to compliment me.
Ack. I don't want this right now. And yet I am pretty much a loser who doesn't know how to indicate that she's nice and all, but I am not up for dating. Especially cause I'm sleeping with my "ex"-GF. How do y'all indicate that you're not interested in that way? (I should know how to do this by now, considering that I'm in my thirties, but I don't...) What have been your strategies for the letting down easy of the exceptionally sweet and gentle person?