Thursday, June 05, 2008

Bullets of back

I got back from Congress on Tuesday night. Now my friend M. is visiting me here in SCwP. Due to some annoying gynecological issues that are likely related to this scare (which is now being monitored, but seems just to be a shrinking hemorrhagic cyst), I am not feeling up to writing anything intellligent - I had thought I might take a stab at it, but no such luck. Rather, bullets...

- I am now one member of the very small program committee for my scholarly association's annual conference at Congress next year. God help me - why do I take on such things?

- I heard positive things about my scholarship, my pedagogy, and a past unsuccessful job application, at this conference. I don't know what the heck was going on, but it was certainly affirming! It's also weird to begin to be known to exist, to a few people. How odd.

- I had a lovely time with friend C., with whom I was rooming for the last two nights, was a delight as always. I saw a couple of far-flung people I don't see very often. And I had an excellent time with a new friend.

- I still cannot shake major nerves when I have to present - I thought I would die. (Partly because I just stuck out like a sore thumb, really the odd one out, on this panel, and really felt self-conscious about just being the paper people had to tolerate in order to hear what otherwise was a quite coherent panel.) I also made the mistake of looking at the newly released program for the next conference I'm attending in, just a couple of hours before my Congress presentation, when I was just sick with nerves. That combination was enough to send me over the edge - it certainly sent me into the bathroom...

- I watched the season finale of The Tudors last night and was beside myself. It has been years since any film or any such thing has affected me like that. I mean, really now. It's TV! I sobbed uncontrollably. WTF? Did anyone else have that reaction? I talked about it a bit with M, who is using it as "data" for his psychoanalysis of me!

I think that's all. I'm really feeling like hell. I'll hope to be back with something of consequence to say, soon.


Brigindo said...

Sorry you're feeling so bad. With all your traveling and activities you must be exhausted--who needs gyn troubles on top of that. (Really who needs gyn troubles?)

I swear I'm ALWAYS the odd person out on panels. In last years major conference for my field I was on a panel that focused on an age group I wasn't even studying. I basically used it as a joke to start my talk off but it is disheartening to present to people who have no interest in what you actually did or have to say. sigh.

Psychgrad said...

It's annoying to have to present to an audience that isn't really interested in your research. At least it's done with. I have a presentation next month and I'm already getting heart palpitations thinking about it.

I hope that the cyst shrink quickly and entirely (if that's possible). I have grain bags at home and in the lab. I put them in the microwave for 2-3 minutes - helps with pain management.

PossiblyFutureDrGirl said...

Congress actually landed me in the UBC hospital. Truly. So I completely sympathize.

Feel better!

P.S. Even thought I don't actually know who you are, based on your blog entries I highly doubt that your paper was only "tolerated" by your audience. I'm guessing that it was probably a breath of fresh air!