Friday, June 08, 2007


The first apartment of the two I looked at on Monday was owned by a man about my age, named "Robert". It was a floor in his house. I was in the rather hideous apartment for approximately five minutes. Our sole exchange about anything other than the apartment consisted of this: Robert knew I was a professor, and asked me what my discipline was. I told him, he said, "cool" and told me his sister is also a new professor. I left. I called him back later that night to tell him I'd found another place. That conversation lasted about 20 seconds. End of story.

So today, I find in my email inbox a message from "Robert". I was very confused upon seeing the name...Who was Robert, I wondered. Upon opening it, I discovered that it was Robert from Scary City. WTF, I thought. This is what it said:

Hey Hilaire,

I guess you were enroute back [in your direction] yesterday... How was your visit?

I finally got the place rented after laying down the law with the current occupants -- clean up, or else!

I am intrigued by your field of study, and would like to elucidate some theories of my own... over coffee when you're back in town?

Off to [Place] for the week, and hopefully some great conditions for kite boarding...

Have a great week,


Ew. Can I just say? Who the hell does this guy think he is? That is so incredibly forward and creepy. You don't just go emailing random people you've met for five minutes, in a totally unrelated context, asking for dates. At least not like this, with this kind of entirely familiar tone. I don't even remember giving him my email address so I can't figure out how he got it. Oh wait, yes, I do - I had prepared sheets with my contact info and a million references, because this was seeming to be such a difficult housing search that I was trying to look ultra-professional. Anyway. Still. That's not to be used for this. And he remembers what day I was leaving. Yuck. He wants to "elucidate his theories" over a cup of coffee? Can I barf?? Nice cover, buddy. And kiteboarding...oooh, sexay!! Can I feel your big muscles??

Ugh -- it just gives me the creeps.

I forwarded the email to ex?-GF, with my wtf? commentary and this is what she suggested I reply...(See why she's irresistible?):

"Hi Robert. I was quite suprised to receive your email as I don't remember giving you my address. So much for privacy, eh? (LOL). I'm glad you finally got your place rented. I found a place where I think I'll feel quite at home; I'll be especially happy when my girlfriend visits. She's coming out in August to compete in the national "ultimate fighting"championships. After her bouts she loves a good cup of joe, so perhaps the 3 of us can go for coffee when she's here?"

Tee hee.


Pantagruelle said...

Eww! Straight men are so effin' presumptuous. Ick. I loooove (ex?)-GF's email though. Pure gold. Not sure if I'd have the guts to send it, but if you don't even know the guy and will never see him again, why not? Teach the freak a lesson--assuming he's got the brains to get it.

Hilaire said...

YOu know what? I won't be able to send it. I would feel too mean, much as I think this reply is hilarious. I think my response is going to be to just ignore it...Sigh -- would that I were gutsier...

medieval woman said...

That's classic! I love her response - you always seem to get hiton by random weird men, H - remember pink tie guy?? :)

What is kiteboarding?

Hilaire said...

Oh yes, how could I forget pink tie guy?

I believe kiteboarding is like surfing with a sail attached to the board - so you "catch air". Rad, man. I mean, nothing against kiteboarding - I'm sure it's loads of fun - I just reacted against the way he inserts that in there, obviously to try and impress. Gah.