Saturday, January 20, 2007

Fried Saturday night update

I've been recognizing just how much you can cocoon when you're part of a couple. Because now that I'm single, I'm socializing far too much when I'm in Home City. So much so that I feel as if I haven't had any down time for ages...weeks, really - because my time in Uni City is so intense, too. Nor have I had adequate time to do my work - and there is a deadline looming, and one page written. Ugh. I went out last night for dinner and wine, and today for brunch and a movie (Volver - what a great film), and went for a run, and a long dog walk...And now I'm just completely fried and can't fathom doing anything else all weekend. I think that once a weekend already has errands and long dog walks and runs built into it, adding other stuff is...not too much...but it's a lot. I need to find some balance again. In fact, I cancelled some plans I had for tomorrow - no more being "on", please! Although it's certainly nice to see my lovely, lovely friends in the midst of all the upheaval right now.

But now, it's Saturday evening, and I should be doing some writing (of the scholarly sort) and all I want is to settle down on the couch and watch the stupidest film I can find.

Some elements of the week:

- My ballet class met for the second time on Monday night, and it was significantly better than the first, absolutely chaotic, meeting. Although the teacher still doesn't use the mirrors enough! This is a huge, beautiful, brand new dance studio with an entire huge wall of mirrors - you'd think she'd really be taking advantage of those - they're so helpful in learning dance. I feel like slipping her an anonymous note...

- I feel as if I have some students who are crushed out on me. I don't know quite what's going on...I could feel some of this energy before the break, and now feel it more strongly. I haven't really experienced this before, at least not to this extent. (I hate to seem arrogant, but it just seems to be the case. You know how this is one of those things you can instinctively feel, when someone has a crush on you?) There is one case of this that could turn out to be a problem...she even said to me the other night (after lingering post-class so that we could take the bus together) that we should talk when our classes are over. Oh, dear. What could we possibly have to talk about that needs to wait until classes are over, hmmm? I am just trying to ignore this. But I know how powerful (and delusional) that teacher-love can be. We'll see. I may post about this some more at some point. I like this student a lot, and want to encourage her - she is very bright. And now I feel as if my encouraging might just perpetuate this. As if it already has. She's even said that the thing that motivates her in school is relationships with her profs...she really seems to form serious attachments. Ack.

- The office-space-hog-debacle has not improved. Ugh. I can't even talk about it - I'm so annoyed with how I've handled it and what has transpired. How could I be such a wimp in something so important? It makes me not like myself.

- I'm still waiting for the formal offer from the place that's supposed to be offering me the job. Sheesh! Not that I relish the negotiation, but still...(I have heard that it is just taking time, not that they're not making an offer.) It means I'm inhabiting limbo on this level, as well as every other. It means that I feel suspended, with no imaginable future. Which is, in a sense, alright, since I'm so unenthused about the place. It means I literally don't think about it. Job, future? What job and future? But perhaps it would be best to be able to start making some plans so I can move out of come on, offer!

- I had a facial yesterday. Someone had given me a gift certificate for a spa, and so I chose a facial because my skin looks just terrible in the winter because I'm so pale - every winter, people are constantly looking worried when they see me, and asking me if I'm tired/ill/alright. I get this almost daily right now. Hence the facial. It was okay. But when I met up with my friend for dinner last night, she immediately went on and on about how radiant my skin looks. Without knowing I'd been for a facial. Hmmm...guess that shit works. Too bad I wouldn't pay for it myself.

- It's very, very cold and icy. And I'm loving it. Because it feels right. The springlike weather we had for weeks was positively creepy.

That's all, really. I have some actual issues I'd like to post about, to get feedback on, but I'm too tired for it. Maybe in a couple of days. I'm off to have a cup of tea, maybe, and eat some cherries (is anyone else finding them on crazy sale right now?) and watch a movie on the couch.


Earnest English said...

I hear you about needing down time. I can only go out one night on the weekend without feeling as if I've seriously overextended myself on the weekends and risking having a bad week. (So if you're not that bad, then you're fine!)

But I'm glad to learn that you were going to the couch for a movie and not to do some work! No working on Sat night! No! In fact, I received a work email on Sat afternoon/evening and I'm going to tell the sender not to do that anymore -- makes us all feel like we should be working nonstop. I had a wave of workmania last night and then I just decided that I would let it build up so that I'd feel like getting to it on Sunday. (We'll see if I get to it today, but first I MUST have blueberry pancakes because it snowed. I don't know why those are joined in my head, but they are and I'm going with it!)

Hilaire said...

You know, Earnest, I think you're very wise to unconditionally reserve Saturday night as a night off from work. I should think about it, too. Mske it a rule. As it is, it happens in practice. But making it a rule would take the self-nagging out of the equation!

Hope you had a very productive Sunday, after your pancakes!