Friday, November 17, 2006

Worry and weirdness

- There's something wrong with my eye. I first noticed this about two weeks ago, but things have been so crazy that I put it out of my mind. It's sure not going anywhere, though. There's some kind of...thing...on the lens of my eye. It's all red around that part, and I can detect some sort of aberration on the surface. Some kind of concave...thing. What it reminds me of? When Mr. K. got a wart under his eyelid and it grew and pressed into his eye so that he got an ulcer and almost lost the eye. It looks like that. Nice. Uh, I think it's time for an appointment with the doctor.

- This week, my colleague Flake and I hatched an idea for a Congress panel...a cool theme that unites our quite different work. I told her about my friend M., the kind of very cutting-edge work he's doing right now, and how well it would fit with our little theme. We were both excited. Yesterday I emailed M, in the middle of an email conversation we were already having (to set up a phone date...sigh; when did it come to this - phone dates?). He's very, very, multiple-exclamation-mark-ly in. Yay! We have a (kickass) panel, I think.

So late last night, I come home to my completely fucked up and ambiguous home life in Home know, the one where GF and I are sorta together, but not forever. This morning, there is some upset, some predictable tears. Then I take the dog for a long walk. When I come home, I tell GF about how I have worked up this panel with Flake and M. She is happy for me, thinks it sounds great. And then she gets this coy little smile. When I press her to tell me what she's thinking, she says, "I think you and M would be great together. I've always thought so. You have such a rapport."

So. My girlfriend is planning my next relationship, with my friend the engaged transman, while we're still in this one.* Who would have thought, six months ago, that November would look like this??

Off to schedule an appointment with the doctor!

*For the record, this is a dead-end thought for me right now. I have no stomach for thinking about a date ever again in my life.


medieval woman said...

First off: I hope your eye is okay.

Second: that's uncool of her. You're well aware that this relationship has a shelf life and you don't need any help getting over it and moving on - you'll do that on your own, thank you.

I'm sorry - that's one of my pet peeves in relationships. Where the ex (or future ex) thinks it's "helpful" or "kind" or "fun" to suggest future relationships for dear friend's "ex" also does this to her and it ends up making DF feel bad and unwanted...

Sorry - that's a personal *grrrrr!*

Hilaire said...

Oh, MW, you're so sweet and supportive. Thanks. I actually don't feel bad...I mean, I do *theoretically* feel that way, but somehow it didn't make me feel much. Just, "huh...welcome to your new, temporarily surreal life..."

It just felt to me, I think, like one of those misjudged things partners say to each other; you don't censor. The background is that GF was lightly jealous when M and I first became friends up north last year...she kept on asking, "Are you sure you don't have a crush on him...?" Until finally GF and M met and hit it off in a big way. I think all signs - my type, etc. - are seen point to my having a big ol' crush on M. As I say, I'm kinda feelingless in this regard right at the mo'.

Thanks for your never-failing support, MW!

Texter said...

is this the person y'all went to dinner with so long ago - where the sad drunk lady sat with you?

i remember you said there was some concern there would be tension between gf and friend.

and, I hope your eye is ok...

MaggieMay said...

The eye thing is icky-- do go in right away, because, you know, eyes are important!

My ex-fiance and I got to the point where we were talking about our romantic difficulties. With other people. While living together. It didn't make me angry; it was more, as you say, *surreal*!

Tiruncula said...

I hope your eye is ok! Let us know what the doc says.

Hilaire said...

Texter - Wow...good memory! Yes, that's him. That was the weekend he and GF met - and the tensions never materialized; they really like each other a lot. Last night, I made some joke to GF about the fact that she'd been setting me up, and she said, "With the best possible person".