It is not a nice thing to hear freaked-out special news reports, in the middle of the day as you're sitting in your academic office, about a shooting rampage at a college in Montreal.
It reminds you of December 6, 1989, when you were still in high school but you spent the night shocked, scared, crying about the fourteen women who were murdered at a Montreal college that day. When you were already volunteering at a national women's organization and, all of a sudden, really knew why.
Today's isn't another "Montreal Massacre"; this man was shooting men and women. But you realize, in the wake of Sept 11 commemorations, that you - a Canadian, and a feminist, and an academic - have your own dark day. And that this triggered it. That's why you haven't been able to work, or even to warm up, since you heard the news.
It is still early - reports are confused and conflicted about what happened. All I can say is: Really, really hoping that every one of the victims of this shooting pulls through.