My mother arrives in a couple of hours. I'm quite worried about this - I tend not to be great with my mother, as I've written before. This time, she's coming to help me. I should be grateful - and I am. I should not feel irritation - but I do. I do because she doesn't drive. And the one thing that is most problematic for me right now, with my mobility limited, is the feeling that I am shut up in the house. I am normally so active. I run, for one thing, most days. And I cycle or walk to get around. When R was here, she rented a car, and that was good because we could drive on little outings, get me out of the house. There is nowhere close enough for me to walk to on crutches. So I fear that my mother and I are going to be cooped up in here together, with me growing irrationally resentful because what I want the most is to be able to get around. I do have one trip to the university planned, for Tuesday - a friend is driving me. I may have to call on others for emergency escapes!
I tried to start writing my book project yesterday. It did not go well. I - always, always self-censoring - felt too overwhelmed by the thought, "I am writing a book." I defeated myself immediately. I ended up with one sentence. I have to work through that.
As I noted yesterday, I am mostly in good spirits, and even able to see the positive in this (I will develop great upper-body strength!). But I do see where I might became very downcast...chiefly about exercise, and about dancing. I was supposed to be going to dance camp in August - a blissed-out week in the woods. This tends to be the most joyful time in my life. It is especially so now that I live somewhere where I can't dance. I won't be able to go to camp this year - and believe me when I say that it was the brightest light of my year, the thing I've been most looking forward to, for months and months. I really feel cheated.