Saturday, April 26, 2008

God, why am I such a mess?

I cannot really function. I feel itchy and crawly all over...and totally not myself. I feel totally alienated from myself. I wouldn't have expected to have such a strong reaction. What the hell is wrong with me? I guess it really is a deep phobia. What a bloody wimp.

Anyway, I just realized that with feeling like this I could NOT handle the ridiculously overlong bus ride. I would probably be completely insane by the end of it. The reason I had taken the bus instead of flying in the first place was that I am trying not to fly whenever I can...trying to reduce that carbon footprint. But I just said, fuck it. I just booked the flight for 2 1/2 hours from now. Carbon emissions and all. Sigh. Oh well. I can't wait to be in my own home, and to try and relax.

9 comments:

Brigindo said...

You're not wimpy at all. You have a real phobia and are reacting to an experience that would be bad for anyone but is horrible for someone with a bug phobia.

Don't be so hard on yourself. It's been a crappy, stressful year for you. You were looking forward to the weekend and go the hotel experience from hell. It is no wonder you just want to be home. I hope you're there soon.

heu mihi said...

I'm sorry that you're having such a lousy weekend (oops--that's a dreadful--and unintentional, I swear!--pun). I hope that being back in your own space helps you feel better. Rest up and take care, dear!

Maude Lebowski said...

i agree that you should not be too hard on yourself at all! i would have freaked the fuck out, too. that sounds terrible!

go have a nice long shower/bath in your own clean tub and have a good sleep in your own clean bed.

i'm totally having sympathy itches right now. that creeps me out for you.

JustMe said...

agreeing with the others, you are awesome, and i would have freaked out ten times worse. i am so sorry for you! you for flying and good luck with everything!

Anonymous said...

Ugh! Just thinking about your ordeal makes me itchy! I hope you feel better once you are home. Oh and I totally would have caught the next flight home too, carbon emissions and all!!

DN

medieval woman said...

Oh my god - this is not wimpy at all! The whole thing sounds dreadful and I'm glad you're home and (hopefully) feeling much more like yourself!

I just Wikipedia'ed "bed bugs" - gross!!!!

(((Hilaire)))

luckybuzz said...

It would have totally freaked me out too--I have some serious issues about (shudder) small creatures like that. I think not taking the bus is an excellent idea. Hope being home helps.

Maggie said...

Good lord, woman. I would be completely freaking out, and my phobia is mild (if one can have a mild phobia?) compared to your! Give yourself a break, ok?

Anonymous said...

Wow so sorry for you. I'm dealing with a BB problem in my apt right now, and it's driving me crazy. I feel itchy All the time, but The Apt has been treated and I never see anything. Help