Dammit. This last couple of days has sucked. They have just confirmed how isolated I fucking feel here. For reasons having to do with structure, etc., that are unbloggable (which is really unfortunate, by the way; I'd love a good bitchfest about specifics, and how...).
That, and having fun menstrual and intestinal cramps for almost 48 hours now. Good times, good times. And today I was at the university for ten hours, all of them packed. Rode home as the sun set, getting here at almost 7:30. Knowing I could/should do hours more here. Had no break except for half an hour over my ever-so-virtuous home-packed lunch (when what I really wanted/NEEDED was nachos and whiskey), hearing terrible, terrible stories about terrible, terrible campus politics from my friend D. Yes, I know - not a break. Break would be stretching it. Major, major ugh is what most everything feels like right now.
You know, the one good thing in my life right now is my ride home. I mean, the ride to work is also fine, but it's 40 minutes of an UPHILL ride, and I'm always anxious to get there because I have to teach, etc. I don't stop to smell the roses, that's for sure. I think a lot about my screaming quads. But the way home - well, it's gorgeous. I can look around, can stop and say hi to horses, can pick apples, can look at bunnies, can watch the landscape unfold in front of me as I round certain bends. Sometimes - like today - I leave the campus completely dejected and exhausted and come home having gained a (bit of) lightness I'd never get if I had to drive, or take the bus.
(Might go poof, as they say...)