My selfish side, for better and for worse

It's amazing how work/life can be so up and down...and at the same time...

The other night I descended into some sort of irrationally foul mood...about my career prospects. Though I've been happy and productive lately, and haven't whined since a bad period in February/March, I was overcome by worry that my very new career is already in the toilet, that I'll never get out of contractual work, that I feel crushed by the pressure to publish (yeah, who doesn't at this stage? - I know, it was just one of those moods...), etc., etc. My dissertation was nominated for two important awards, and though they were long shots, I was all of a sudden beset by disappointment that I hadn't won either of them. This fed into my fear that I am alreay fading into obscurity. And I whined that I hate having no job this summer, and collecting Employment Insurance, and being all crunched for money.

The next morning I woke up to find two pieces of mail. In my email inbox, an email informing me that indeed I had won one of the dissertation awards. And in the real mailbox, the cheque that came with it!

Ha!!

All of a sudden there were plans to open a bottle of champagne and to buy a digital camera, and to get me a goddamned tenure-track job (in a good way)!

And then today, this:

[Rest of post removed to reflect my sudden terror about revealing my identity in potentially compromising ways... buh-bye, rest of post...Sorry...]