Bye.

Hi, all. I know I've been gone for a month. I know I'm terrible for not responding to any of the lovely awards some of you gave me right around the time I disappeared from here. I'm sorry. And thank you.

I've been doing just fine. I'm now almost five weeks past my surgery and feeling essentially back to normal. I've been working away at my research the last couple of weeks - getting an article ready to send out for publication.

The truth is, I just haven't felt like blogging. I've been avoiding it. I'm not sure what's happened, but it seems the Will to Blog has left me entirely. So has the will to be a citizen of the blogosphere. I began to feel completely overwhelmed by blogging; it began to stress me out. Perhaps some of this feeling was spurred by Facebook...I finally joined, about 6 weeks ago. Although I'm not enormously active on Facebook, still, I think I hit my saturation point. I began longing for a bit of an escape from the Internet. And I've been cultivating that.

So this brings me to this final post. I'm so sad to be leaving many of you behind; this is why I've been hesitating to write this final post. I'll keep this space up for a little while, in case I feel the urge to start up again. And perhaps you'll see me in your comments from time to time. But mostly I'll be off doing other things. I've struck up some wonderful friendships with some of you - you know where to find me...I'll be keeping this email address, for starters. We'll keep in touch, no question.

Brief update

Surgery on Thursday went well...turned out to be endometriosis. Whole ovary and fallopian tube removed, which they were trying to avoid. I'm really not bothered by this - no need for concern/condolences.

Private room in hospital was a lovely treat. Morphine was not my favourite.

Have just been, obviously, in recovery mode. (This was a laparotomy, not a laparascopy). My friend A is arriving on Thursday.

And right now, I'm really tired, so I'm going to have a nap.

Back

I arrived back in Scary City on Saturday. Had dinner that night with my new dear friends here: La and her partner. This was important. Coming back here from my time with friends in Home Region - with A, with S, with M, with my dance community - and being able to walk right into a fabulously fun night in a similarly easy friendship, was symbolic of my perhaps beginning to put down roots here. Just beginning.

I am not teaching this term, because of my surgery. This makes me feel at once guilty and gleeful. I went to campus today to do a couple of things, and everyone around me was in high gear, what with the first day of classes. I can't believe the gift I've been given. I can't believe what a difference it makes, not having that pressure. I am a whole new me.

This is one of many things that are making me feel amazingly optimistic about this new year. Last year was such a disaster that I think I have really sub-consciously felt the turn to a new year. Having my birthday and New Year's at the same time really allows me to reflect, and to consciously turn a page. Last week, I was staying with my friend A in Home City and she made me a birthday dinner, including this cake, which perfectly captures my feelings about this transition: Perhaps because I'm not teaching, I really do feel as if I will be able to rock this year. Funny that I feel this way even though I am starting out the year with invasive surgery. But the recovery will be lovely. And I am rubbing my hands with glee at the prospect of diving back into my research and writing. I have big plans for writing, between now and August - and feel quite confident that they're achievable, which is certainly a novel feeling.

In preparation for my surgery, I have also begun cooking in ridiculous quantities and stocking my freezer. Today, it was a kind of baked ziti with wild mushroom sauce, and a yam/peanut soup. Before I go into hospital on Thursday, I'll make a double batch of macaroni and cheese and a pot of chili with veggie ground round. I am so set, foodwise, and this too makes me happy. To be taking care of myself.