Thursday, January 24, 2008

Things are looking pretty dire. Mr. Kasper is only getting worse, and what he has by now ENTIRELY fits the profile of advanced mediastinal lymphoma - i.e. the worst kind. We are thinking about the unthinkable at this point. I was pulled together until last night, when I talked to R on the phone, she was crying, and she told me Mr. Kasper kept looking at her as if he wanted her to help him. I am worried about getting through this - I feel gutted. But I'm leaving this afternoon, and I will be able to hug him and hold him tonight. I need strength because I feel like I will fall apart.

23 comments:

Andrea said...

One of the hardest things in life is having to decide when it's time for our furpeople to move on. I am so glad we aren't allowed to do that for our human people. Make the best decision you can for Mr.K because he is trusting you to look after him, and know that all of us who have been through that (whatever you decide) understand your pain and are holding you in our thoughts.

Dr. Crazy said...

Oh, how awful, Hilaire. Sending a big hug your way (and one for Mr. K, too).

Sending Mr.K big hugs said...

Oh Hilaire, I am so sorry to hear about this. It is so hard when our fur kids become so ill. I would probably wait until you see Mr. K and talk to the vet before any decisions are made. Either way please know, that your blog friends support whatever decision you make and we will be here to help you through this... Again, I am so, so, sorry to hear about all of this...

K said...

Hilaire,

I am so sorry to her about Mr. K. I'm sure that he knows you and R love him. Whatever you decide to do, it will be out of your love and concern for him. You have all my sympathy.

Anonymous said...

Don't worry - we won't make any decisions until we have a definite diagnosis and prognosis. But things sure do seem wretched.

Thank you for your love and support, as always.

Hilaire said...

That was me, Hilaire, above.

dbm/gaa said...

OH NO! I'm so sorry. Hurry home and give him big hugs.

Sending Mr.K big hugs said...

I just re-read my comment and realized it might have sounded preachy with the "wait before you make a decision" comment. I really didn't mean it that way and really feel for your situation. I hope you aren't offended...We were in a similar situation with my dog in-law (yes you read that right) and it was the hardest decision we ever made. (Which is also probably why your story resonates so deeply with me..)

As K said above, whatever decision you make will be out of love and concern for Mr.K and that alone will make it the right decision.

Flavia said...

Oh, sweetheart. I'm so sorry. Best to you and R.

adjunct whore said...

i'm SO sorry....thinking of you.

heu mihi said...

Oh, dear Hilaire, I'm so sorry. Your message brought tears to my eyes. I know just what you're feeling and I'm sure that you'll make the right decision, whatever that is--but I know that that doesn't make it any easier. Take care.

Brigindo said...

I'm so so sorry. There really are no words to say how bad this is and must feel. As others have said you'll make the right decision but that really doesn't alleviate the pain. Remember we're all thinking of you and R and Mr. K.

Maude Lebowski said...

oh hilaire, i'm so so so so very sorry. my heart is aching for you right now. i wish i could say something to make the pain go away. as hard as i'm crying as i write this, i can only imagine what you are going through. but you'll be there and you'll get to hold him, and though it's a very small consolation, if the unthinkable happens, at least both you and R will be there with him which for Mr. K will mean more than anything else in the world. my heart aches. you and R and Mr. K are in my thoughts.

i've lost four dogs in the past 12 years, one which was not much older than Mr. K. so please, if you need a cyber ear or shoulder, i'm sure i speak on behalf of a lot of people when i say don't hesitate to reach out. your bloggy friends love you and are here for you.

take care. i'm sending thoughts for the best.

<3 and pets
ml

New Kid on the Hallway said...

I'm so very very sorry. Sending you and Mr. Kasper best wishes and hope that this resolves quickly. Do remember that you and R are wonderful loving dog-parents to Mr. K and will do what's best for him, whatever that ends up being. (Such a lovely picture of him in the earlier post!)

leslie said...

I don't quite know what to say except that I am so very sorry to hear about Mr. K, Hilaire. We know how much you love him.

You, R, and Mr. K are in my thoughts...

squadratomagico said...

Oh, Hilaire, I'm so sorry that you have to go through this! I hope that you and R can give one another the love and strength you both need. I'll be sending warm thoughts for all three of you.

(((hugs!)))

What Now? said...

I'm so sorry. Sympathy and prayers winging your way.

Belle said...

Hilaire and R: hug Mr K and give him my love. Many hugs to all three of you; this is going to be a hard time and it's best to do it together. One decision I've never regretted was sending my beloved G on before me and being with her when it happened. I cried myself sick, but I'm so glad I stayed with her. Twenty years later I still weep for my loss, her passing. It was the right decision, the right time, the right way.

But it hurts. Hugs.

Hilaire said...

Thank you, all. Thank you for your sympathy and your stories. Belle, you captured it exactly. Maude, you are a darling. So are you all.

kermitthefrog said...

I'm so sorry, hilaire. He looks so cheerful in that photo; he must have been a beautiful companion. Best wishes.

dbm/gaa said...

I am sorry that you had to make that horrible decision and let him go, but I know you did the right thing in the right way.

This morning you are probably going to really feel it, when you don't have to feed, water and walk him; it is those times when the loss really highlights the daily lived reality of who is missing that always get me.

I'm thinking of you. Take care, and let yourselves grieve as fully as you can.

Maude Lebowski said...

i tried to get through on the comments last night, but i couldn't, so i sent you an e-mail.

when i read this, i couldn't stop crying. i feel as if i have lost my own pet. know that we are all with you and R during this time. we share your grief and your pain as well as your love for Mr. K. he lives forever in your hearts and memories, and therefore lives forever in all of us, too.

Bardiac said...

I'm so sorry to read this and above. I wish words could give real comfort. Letting go, even when it's the best decision, is still so difficult. /comfort