It's a sunny Sunday afternoon. I've put on Yo La Tengo's Summer Sun. The dog's lying in a sunbeam. I'm just back from brunch with two friends I don't get to see enough. I can hear the melting snow outside. That metallic rush of water running in sewers, and the sound of drips pouring off roofs: those are honestly some of the most hopeful sounds I know. I had to unzip my coat when I was out - I think this will be the last day for the down monstrosity. Thank god - I have reached that point in the winter at which I come to loathe my winter gear.
This weekend has put the craziness-I-can't-blog-about onto the backburner. Some highlights:
- I made the best ever wild mushroom risotto on Friday night. Goddamn, it was good. Ex-GF came over for dinner and stayed the night. Again, sexless - and this time I didn't have as much confusion about it. It is what it is. We are good to each other, we love each other, we miss each other. We can give our best to one another, in a way we couldn't much of the time, in our relationship. I feel as if this is just cultivating our friendship, which GF remarked the other night is perhaps the best way for us to be together. We won't have sleepovers forever, of course - but right now they're a way to indulge what actually feels like a giddy re-meeting as good friends.
- I needed to go for an 80-minute run yesterday. The sidewalks and parks were still a litle iffy, with icy slush making them dangerous in parts. So by default I chose a route nearby that would, I thought, probably allow me to evade the iciness, as well as to avoid traffic lights and crossings for a good deal of the run. But I was grumbling about it. It took me onto a piece of terrain in Home City that I think is overrated and weird. The couple of times I've cycled out there, I've thought it the most barren, depressing place. So I ran to it, and ran it still grumbling to myself. God, I thought - this is awful post-apocalyptic stuff...get me out of here...why did I ever think this would be a good idea?? But then, but then...I came to the end of the trail. And looked to my right. The white-yellow, late afternoon sun was glowing palely behind thin cloud. Home City's skyline - that homely sight - glowed softly through the few trees. All of a sudden I knew why I'd run this godforsaken route...it was that one glimpse of this place. The city looked lonely, ghostly, so beautiful. Like home. I looked at it for a long time, and carried it back with me.
- I went out dancing last night. For me, there is nothing better - nothing - for putting things into perspective.
- My brunch this morning was with two dear friends from The Activity. I don't see them much anymore, though we try. They are each older than I am - one in her late forties, the other mid-fifties - and have long been role models. Not for anything career-related. Just for being-in-the-world. I love the way we are together, the three of us. It feels unique. And one is going to come and visit me shortly after I move to the new job - she'll be my first visitor there. I can't think of anyone I'd rather have set the tone for my life there.
So, as I know I've said before on this blog - thank god for weekends. I felt crushed by last week and didn't imagine how I could emerge from that feeling.
Now I'm going to sit in the sun and do the last of the grading I have to do, and even start tackling my writing again.