Had a little goodbye party last night...in A's stunning back garden. Many of the close people in my life are away right now. So it was small - fifteen or so people - and somehow sweet. Lovely. I said my goodbyes. You know, it was a kind of ritual.
So anyway, I will be gone by this time tomorrow morning. But I've kind of turned to stone about it. My extremely emotional goodbye with M a little while ago made me turn inward and protect myself, I think...No more of that, it seems I am saying to myself. And anyway, this has all been so drawn out - so goddamn many months of anticipation of this move - that I just need to be there, already!
That makes me return yet again to the question of rootedness in Home City. About how it can be a liability, and I have to be careful of that. What I mean is that I can't fetishize my rootedness here, so that it stops me from actually embracing my life in Scary City. I can imagine that happening. Psychgrad left a comment to my first post on rootedness, in which she said her longing for places and people she's left is usually about imagining them as they once were, bound in time. I can see that. And I need to be careful not to let those moments rule me, to the detriment of forging new relationships with people and place in Scary City.
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My dad and I leave on our lengthy roadtrip tomorrow, lots of music and audiobooks in hand - In Cold Blood and The Sound and the Fury seem to be our listening goals, although apparently he's checked out from the library a dozen books to choose from. Don't know how much blogging I'll be able to do on the road. I'll try - and if not, see you on the other side!
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3 comments:
Have a good trip, enjoy all the beautiful countryside you'll be driving through, and the audiobooks too!
I think that defetishizing Home City is a wise strategy. You can still call it home and come back to visit as much as possible, but making Scary City your second, and principal, Home is something that will make the transition easier, I think. A bit of excitement about it will go a long way. Plus it's just so damn beautiful.
Have a wonderful trip, Hilaire! I know you and your dad will make the trip a lovely time together. I'll look forward to hearing all about it when you get back.
Good luck!
Safe travels!
Perhaps you'll have to find another name for Scary City, so as to make it less scary and more homey.
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