Facing the future

Today I arranged a “realty tour” at the place I am interviewing in a couple of weeks. Some local realtor has offered to take university candidates round the area, to both introduce them to the place and give them a sense of their realty options. You know – it’s a soft sell. I am a little averse to any kind of sell, but since I declined the university’s offer of a rental car as part of my flight/hotel package, I thought that this would be the only way to really see the place.

I don’t have any money. If I got this job, I sure as hell wouldn’t be buying a home. But I wrote to the guy that if did happen to get the job, I would rent at first, and then consider buying a place in a year or so, and this would be my price range, etc., etc. It just feels completely ridiculous, like pie in the sky.

But it also feels really sad. If GF and I were going to stay together, there really would be house buying, if not right away. She’s the one with the money, and already owns the house that we live in.

All too often these days, I am having to simultaneously confront both the reality and the unimaginability of my future without her. I wrote to the real estate guy that since I would be single, I’d be looking at a condo or a small house, if I were to buy. (Notice ambiguous use of language, to speak to ambiguous situation.)

Ugh.