tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28553339.post116136750557429934..comments2023-07-17T05:07:53.982-07:00Comments on clashing hats: Lonely FridayHilairehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09033740943173352249noreply@blogger.comBlogger10125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28553339.post-1161628414662330982006-10-23T11:33:00.000-07:002006-10-23T11:33:00.000-07:00What Now, that makes me reconsider email...I've fo...What Now, that makes me reconsider email...I've found that I'm kind of over email with the intimate people in my life...I'd rather talk. But you make a compelling point about the way that email might help things out...I do remember that when we emailed frequently, there was exactly what you describe - small bits of our days shared, etc. And sometimes humour, which is great - we need more of that. <BR/><BR/>Thanks for weighing in, WN!Hilairehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09033740943173352249noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28553339.post-1161613216208634342006-10-23T07:20:00.000-07:002006-10-23T07:20:00.000-07:00I'm also not always good on the phone, so when my ...I'm also not always good on the phone, so when my partner and I are apart, we often rely on email. So we'll still talk on the phone briefly, just to hear each other's voice, but we mostly send emails to each other, which has the advantage of allowing each person to write when she is in the mood (picking up on Flavia's point here about timing issues). So instead of saving up things to say, I'll drop her a quick line about something that just happened or what somebody just said to me, etc. Oddly, that can feel more like conversation (maybe because it's more spontaneous?) than talking on the phone.<BR/><BR/>Sorry that your relationship isn't feeling like the rock you want right now.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28553339.post-1161572925550789232006-10-22T20:08:00.000-07:002006-10-22T20:08:00.000-07:00Flavia, you always put things so well. I get it - ...Flavia, you always put things so well. I get it - the thing about the frustrating facsimile of togetherness - I can really see that. <BR/><BR/>You have all helped me put this in perspective - thank you.Hilairehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09033740943173352249noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28553339.post-1161569431007390692006-10-22T19:10:00.000-07:002006-10-22T19:10:00.000-07:00I'm with Sarah. My partner and I have been long-di...I'm with Sarah. My partner and I have been long-distance for more than 4 years now, and while he's pretty much always chipper and happy to talk to me on the phone, I'm often not. Like, 20-25% of the time. He'll call when I'm feeling stressed, or when I'm in the middle of course prep, or just when I'm in the middle of reading a magazine, and I feel that my control over my time is thrown out of whack by this completely artificial way of relating--it's just not natural to talk to your *partner* once a day, all in one hour-long go, and I can be very resentful of both the way that that cuts into my own time, but also of the fact that he's NOT here.<BR/><BR/>But as with Sarah, my occasional irritibility on the phone has nothing to do with not loving him or not missing him. Being dissatisfied with the medium is not the same thing as being dissatisfied with the person using it. I just need my time, sometimes, and when he's not actually here I would sometimes rather enjoy my own company than deal with a frustrating facsimile of togetherness.<BR/><BR/>I don't know whether your girlfriend's temperament or feelings are similar to mine, but I'm pretty sure that her behavior has nothing to do with the strength of your relationship.Flaviahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17832765671541392835noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28553339.post-1161518422155073872006-10-22T05:00:00.000-07:002006-10-22T05:00:00.000-07:00Thanks, Maggie! :)Thanks, Maggie! :)Hilairehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09033740943173352249noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28553339.post-1161464411201802132006-10-21T14:00:00.000-07:002006-10-21T14:00:00.000-07:00Just chiming in to say: my husband is no good on t...Just chiming in to say: my husband is no good on the phone, either. So I hear you! And I bet she'll be missing you SO MUCH while she's on her trip...Margarethttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03047700345491098393noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28553339.post-1161434061254825292006-10-21T05:34:00.000-07:002006-10-21T05:34:00.000-07:00Thanks, all. I do need to recognize that things ha...Thanks, all. I do need to recognize that things have thir cycles...it's just that I'm not comfortable with the feeling that (to use a huge cliche) we've grown apart...<BR/><BR/>But you're right, Anonymous(Flo?!), that I can't control any outcomes...I just need to focus on being the best partner I can, and that's that.<BR/><BR/>Sarah, thanks so much for your lovely comment. It is always nice to hear from someone who shares elements of my partner's perspective. I did take your advice last night...drank sherry (sherry has a bad rap - there's some good stuff out there!) and read magazines and watched Peter Mansbridge, whom I find strangely comforting - he's like a security blanket.<BR/><BR/>MW, you're quite right about the job stuff. Even though I don't talk about it much this time around, it might be coming through to her and making her nervous in any number of ways! Absolutely.Hilairehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09033740943173352249noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28553339.post-1161404412974802292006-10-20T21:20:00.000-07:002006-10-20T21:20:00.000-07:00Hey Hilaire,Sorry you're feeling a bit out of sort...Hey Hilaire,<BR/><BR/>Sorry you're feeling a bit out of sorts and disconnected from your girlfriend - in addition to not being so good on the phone, could she maybe be picking up on your stress about "what comes next" as far as careers go? I'm sure it's not something major - just the two of you going through different transitions at different times - maybe like growing pains. But that doesn't make it any easier right now, eh? I hope you have a good week off and catch up with friends, etc.medieval womanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17278854285443306227noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28553339.post-1161395911637723352006-10-20T18:58:00.000-07:002006-10-20T18:58:00.000-07:00ditto...also hving a glass or two of wine!From an ...ditto...<BR/>also hving a glass or two of wine!<BR/>From an "older person", just enjoy what you have right now....wishing for more, is out of your control.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28553339.post-1161380864225533402006-10-20T14:47:00.000-07:002006-10-20T14:47:00.000-07:00Hey - I just wanted to say that you don't need to ...Hey - I just wanted to say that you don't need to be paranoid. I don't actually know you or your GF, but I was once the half of a couple who was not the best phone-talker. And I loved her and missed her just as much as she did me. Sometimes different careers and travel schedules and personalities are just.....hard. <BR/><BR/>Open a bottle of wine, curl up with a good book or a good movie. I love the honesty of your blog, btw.<BR/><BR/>Signed,<BR/>Someone else having a quiet Friday night.Slanthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01282387562319951990noreply@blogger.com